Grapefruit Diet
by Luke427
Summary: Some Jack and Daniel humor


Title: Grapefruit Diet  
  
Author: Luke427  
  
Rating: G very silly  
  
Spoilers: Legacy  
  
Warning: Crazy lyrics ahead.  
  
Summary: Daniel's doing weird stuff again.  
  
  
  
Colonel Jack O'Neill walked down the halls of the SGC in a blissful state of happiness. His reports were all done and he could finally go home. It had been a tough week and Jack was ready to relax with a bottle of beer and a nice game of hockey. There was only one thing he was missing...a certain archeologist to share it with. Jack was on a mission to drag Daniel home with him and make sure he used their days off for fun.   
  
//He has always got his nose buried in some translation. It seems like he never has any fun anymore//  
  
As Jack headed toward Daniel's office, he heard strange music. There was a blaring of horns and then suddenly swing music started up. //Hey! It's that song "Zoot Suit Riot"! I love that song.// Jack hurried closer to Daniel's office straining to hear the words.  
  
Who's that waddlin' down the street?  
It's just me, 'cause I love to eat  
Fudge and Twinkies and deviled ham  
Who's real flabby? Yes, I am!  
Every picture of me's  
Gotta be in aerial view  
Now my doctor tells me  
There's just one thing left to do-  
  
//Wait a minute...those aren't the words to the song. What is Daniel listening to? The music is for "Zoot Suit Riot"//  
  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Throw out the pizza and beer  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Oh, get those jelly donuts out of here  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Might seem a little severe  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
I'm gettin' tired of my big fat rear  
Blow Fatty!  
  
Jack started to laugh. The song was really funny! As he got closer to Daniel's office door, he cracked it open and peered inside. Daniel was dancing around, but at the same time straightening up his office. //Wow, he's a pretty good dancer//  
  
Well I used to live on chocolate sauce  
Made sumo wrestlers look like Kate Moss  
Walked down an alley and I got stuck  
I got more rolls than a pastry truck  
When I'm all done eating   
I eat a little more  
When I leave a room  
First I gotta grease the door  
  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Can't have another eclair  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
I gotta dcrease my derriere  
  
I'm on a grapefruit diet!  
I'm on a grapefruit diet!  
I'm on a grapefruit diet!  
  
No more pie now  
No more creme brulee  
Lay off the gravy  
And souffle  
No french fri-yi-yies now  
No ice cream parfait  
Mr. Cheese Nacho  
Stay away  
  
Oh I think I'd sell my soul  
For a triple patty melt  
But I need a boomerang   
when I put on my belt  
  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Lay of the 3 Musketeers  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Until my big booty disappears  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Eat em till their coming out of my ears  
Grapefruit Diet (Diet!)  
Cause I haven't seen my feet in years  
  
When the song finally ended, Jack couldn't take it anymore. He burst into the office, laughing hysterically. Daniel yelped and dropped the three textbooks he was holding.   
  
"Jack! Were you there the whole time?" Daniel ran to his cd player and shut it off.  
  
Jack stopped laughing long enough to get out a "yep."  
  
Daniel watched his friend and finally joined in the laughter. When the two men finally stopped their hysterics, Jack asked who had been doing the funny parody of "Zoot Suit Riot."  
  
"Oh. That was Weird Al Yankovich. He does parodies of lots of famous songs. We could drop by my apartment and pick up his other cd's before we head over to your house."  
  
Jack looked at Daniel in surprise. Daniel caught the look. "Well, that is why you're here now, isn't it?"  
  
Jack laughed. "I gotta stop being so predictable."  
  
Daniel turned out the lights and headed out the door. "You coming?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Hey Jack, I've been trying to make up my on parody. Actually it started when I was locked away in that padded cell. Listen:"  
  
"I'm going crazy at SGC  
I'm so bonkers I just can't see  
That my friends have put me away  
When I get out I will make them pay."  
  
"What do you think, Jack...Jack?"  
  
Jack's groan could be heard all through the SGC.  
  
The End  
  
I know this story was silly, but I couldn't help my self.  
  
Notes:   
GrapeFruit Diet is a parody of Zoot Suit Riot written by Al Yankovich from his album Running with Scissors. Daniel's parody was one I made up that is off of Bittney Spear's Drive Me Crazy.  
  



End file.
